A Heart Centered Life
healing the world one heart at a time

I’m always amazed by what life makes (especially when we have no idea what is actually happening behind the scenes) and how those minor and major upsets, often turn out to be huge blessings, bringing more to us than we could have ever imagined.

So, lets go back several months when (I THOUGHT) I was down on my luck:  I was almost 8 months pregnant when our cottage was flooded and the landlords followed up the event with an email suggesting my beloved and I find a new place to live.  We were devastated.  We were, for lack of a better description, SHOCKED, scared, and suddenly, homeless.  Our first stroke of luck came when we were able, last minute, to get into a sublet — but that was temporary and left us scrambling as we searched high and low to find a new place to live.  We were in the SF Bay, living on one income and found we could no longer afford to live there.  

As we weighed the odds and pondered our future, we discussed the possibility of returning to Portland where Sa’id had been born, we both had family and friends, and I had lived on and off throughout my twenties.  While it was not ideal for me (I was deeply vested in my life in the bay), I was aware that there was not a door opening for us there and it might be time to look at other options.  After countless sleepless nights and a baby that could come any day, we decided to go to Portland.  Grieving the loss of my home, my friends and clients, and the california sunshine, we put our things in a pod and headed north.

We arrived with a plan to stay, temporarily, with my friend Polly while we got our bearings, found a place to live, and had a chance to settled in.  We thought it would be weeks.  It turned out to be months.  And while there were certain difficulties we faced not having our own space, being at Polly’s was another blessing among many that made our transition doable and relatively stress free (though i will say moving to another city and leaving behind a life you’re deeply connected to during your 8 month in pregnancy is in no way, stress-free!)  

Sa’id struggled to find work and I grew increasingly scared, and more and more uncomfortable as i neared the end of my pregnancy.  Looking back, with the perspective I now have, i know it was a time of turning things over to God in a deeper way than I had previously been able to do.  It was a time to deepen my faith and have trust that there is a beneficent being out there, that loves me completely and meets my every need.  In allowing Him to be the One in charge takes so much worry out of my days.  My heart has been cleaned and I walk now, in closer proximity to The One I call God. When I felt helpless, He brought help, when fearful He soothed my mind, and when confused about why I was spending my nights away from ‘Paradise’ (my old haunts) with no place of my own to nest in and worried about why nothing had yet to open for us, He encouraged patience within me.  Turns out He was, as always, right! 

During our stay, Polly and I rekindled our friendship, got to know each others beloved’s, and my husband and I were granted the holy offering of giving birth in their home since we had not yet found a place of our own (which was an incredible experience I will write more about later).  

Looking back on those stressful months, I barely recognize them as mine.  Here I am, seven months later, feeling more blessed than I could have ever imagined.  We have finally landed in our own place–a beautiful new condo in the heart of Irvington neighborhood here in Portland, a stones throw away from everything we could possibly ever need.  I have a great job which allows me ample time with Sa’id and the little guy, and Sa’id has started school for music production, a life long dream of his (and much to his surprise, he’s finding he’s very good, though I never doubted his talents for a second!), and together, our relationship is thriving.  

I never could have imagined what I had to gain in letting go of a life that no longer suited me and my best interest (at least for now — I do hope to one day return to the California sun!).  I thank you God, and each and every person that has pitched in, sent prayers and have befriended us in our transition.  We could not have done it without the help of so many.